Genesis 15:1-21

“Do not fear…I am your shield”

This is the words that I long to hear said to me right now. For God to just say “I’m here. I have you. Everything will be fine. “. I so easily forget most days that I’m not alone. I remember times lying in bed wondering where the “God” was who said he would always be with me. I had such a hard time feeling him in my life and this just made me angry. I think that’s when I started to try. Notice how I said TRY to make it on my own. I can do it. I don’t need anyone’s help. If you’re going to break your promise then I’m just going out on my own.

But did I ever stop and wait. Be quite and listen for God. And so what if I did. I know it wasn’t very long. I’m stubborn. I’ll be the first to admit that. I want what I want and I want it now. Fitting that as I am sitting here today struggling with those very same feelings that I’m introduced to Abram and his story in the book of Genesis.

“God said to Abram, “Know for certain that your descendants will be strangers in a land that is not theirs, where they will be enslaved and oppressed four hundred years. “But I will also judge the nation whom they will serve, and afterward they will come out with many possessions.”

WOW!!! 400 years. God promises Abrams that he will have descendants whose numbers are countless like the stars. And that he will bring them to a land he promises to them. But only after 400 years of oppression?!?! I guess the few lousy months I’ve been waiting for God’s plan isn’t as long as I thought.

Maybe God didn’t just forget about me. Maybe there is still a work he is doing in my life. Maybe everything that’s happened up until now has been God leading me to the starting line of this journey. Because otherwise I would have been too pigheaded and stubborn to do it on my own. It’s a prayer I’ve been praying for a couple of days now. A prayer I don’t totally believe in but that I want to believe. And that is that God leaves me in a place that I don’t desire if it means bring me closer to him. If I can only I have one thing in my life be secure. I want it to be my relationship with him. So I’ll keep praying this prayer and ask God to soften me. Break me. And build me up to that person. After 26 years I haven’t done such a good job on my own. Maybe he was always there.

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5 Responses to “Genesis 15:1-21”

  1. Wow man. This is a great post. You know I’m right there in the same place as you, brother. Thanks for the perspective here.

  2. AMEN BROTHER!! Be careful though :), I’ve been praying this for about a month now, and God went and took away Lisa’s job..

    Talk about taking control and forcing me to trust.

  3. I’ve been careful for 26 years now. I’m ready to live as God wants. Its gonna happen either way. Might as well not fight it 🙂

  4. I’m assuming you realize I was joking about being careful?

    BTW – God told me that you need to stop working out and get fat again

  5. No I knew you were joking. Its why I put the smiley like a 7th grade girl

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