Become Cowboys

For as long as I can remember ive always believed in GOD. That was never the problem really. I knew he was real. Even when I purposly misbehaved growingup, I always knew I was doing wrong. Church had done a good job of making sure I knew what a christian boy should or shouldn’t do. I mean that’s what it means to be a Christian right. You’re a sinner. Go to church. Dont swear or smoke. I mean how inviting is that to someone. I think that was my problem in high school and college. Why I never had a relationship with GOD. Why I never wanted one. Christianity was boring. The thing That was suppose to save my soul was the thing killing it.

I grew up like most boys grow up I think. Wanting to be He-Man or Duke from GI-joe. Playing cops and robbers. Cowboys and indians. The problem I think began when christianity tells you to be like Jesus and then depicts this skinny wimpy mild mannered so called man. What boy wants to be that? What boy who dreams of slaying dragons., capturing the cobra commander, or riding in on your horse to save the day, wants to grow up to be the Jesus you see painted in paintings or talked about in church. Turn the other cheek? Really / Have we so misused that verse that we tell our young men to turn the other check when they see wrong. We’ve emasculated them. I was emasculated. Did David turn the other cheek when Goliath came?  No, he not only stood up to him but he killed him.

I was very aware at a young age that bad things happen. Theres a quality little boys have that men have lost. You see little boys believe in the end that the Gi-Joes will win. But somewhere we learned to forget that. We lose hope and we realize that we just need to survive. Thats the lesson I learned about GOD, that’s the Jesus I saw. A Jesus who loves everyone, good or bad.  So, then if he loves me no matter what why not be bad and have some fun right? I mean by the time I hit high school, by the time I was starting to become a man I had a very vivid idea of who Jesus was and he was nothing like Duke. So I thought “Greg you 16,17, 18 years old it’s time to stop believing in fairy tales”.  Heros don’t exist. But I couldn’t for the life of me make those feelings go away. So I buried them. Why? Well everything I was doing was wrong according to what I had learned about church. So these thoughts had t o be as well. It wasn’t untill this year that I started to take a look and step back for a minute and say, “Maybe they had it all wrong. Maybe you didn’t always have to turn the other cheek.  Maybe christianity isn’t about being a sinner and just hoping you said enough prayers of forgiveness to make it through until you got to heaven and started living in eternity. Maybe eternity started the day I decided I wanted a relationship with him. Maybe it’s not just about making it through this life until you can stand in front of Jesus and hear how you came up short. Maybe its about living life right now. Maybe Jesus wasn’t as wimpy and timid and as weak as I thought. Maybe he was more like William Wallace. Maybe he didn’t come to earth to forgive us of our sins, but came to earth to fight the evil one who had stolen our lives from us. Maybe he was more marine then prophet. more Superman the Clark Kent. That’s when I started searching the Bible for all the descriptions of jesus I could find and that’s when I noticed that the word “nice” was never used. Maybe we no longer have men who are willing to fight, fight for their country, their marriages, their relationships because we’ve told them for so long that fighting isn’t nice. So they buried those feelings Of being Duke or Captain America. They bury them with drinking, 90 hour work weeks, and spending time online instead of engaging in life. Engaging in peoples lives. Maybe we’ve become everything church has asked us to be.  Nice, polite men who say “yes dear, yes sir” to everything. Maybe men fall apart because they don’t want to be nice, so they become bad because that’s all there is. Nice or bad. They never learned to be GOOD. And that GOOD and nice are not the same.

The church tells Us to bow before GOD but forgot to tell us that there are two ways to bow. On both knees like a slave, someone forced with no free will. Or, on one knee like a knight who has pledged his life to fight for his king.  I want to bow on one knee. I want it to be willingly. A life devoted because I chose too.

They can worship the GOD they see in the paintings. I’ll worship the GOD I believe is in the B ible. Maybe I’m wrong, maybe their right, maybe were both wrong. I don’t know, but I’m alive. And as long as there’s life , there is hope right?

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3 Responses to “Become Cowboys”

  1. FREEEEEEDOOOOOOMMM!!!!!!!

  2. T.Bailey Says:

    Hahaha, that’s awesome! Thx for sharing man!

  3. Hm. “Nice or bad. They never learned to be good.” I like that. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

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